My parents were married almost 62 years ago.
They celebrated a 50 year anniversary and an addition 12 years with hardly a niche.
Now they live apart. My dad with my brother and his family in Boise and my mom in a care facility for Alzheimer's patients. This is my mom's home now.
Dad goes to see her at least twice a week and would go every day if it wasn't 20 minutes away and gas wasn't so expensive. He has been 100% true to her their whole marriage. It was hard for him to put her in a facility and not be the one who takes care of her but it became detrimental to his health. They left their home in Wyoming and moved to Boise with the plan to live in an assisted living center together. That barely lasted a month before it became impossible for mom to live without further care.
Now when you visit my dad, he is so excited to see you and my mom is a shell of a person. She looked at me with a blank look when we went to visit. She later called me by name and said she liked my blouse. When I opened my coat to show it to her better, she said I looked like I was expecting a baby. I don't know whether it was alzheimers that was talking OR if I'm in denial that bad about my weight. Which ever, we all had a good laugh. She talked more than I expected her to - - - but most of the time not understandable. Bill got some lotion and rubbed her hands. It brought tears to my dad and brother's eyes to see his tenderness with her but he did it because he was reminded how much his mother liked touch when she was suffering with Alzheimer's. Such a sad situation to be in.
There was emotional abuse during my childhood from my mother but I still learned to respect her. She is my mother. It is sad to see anyone be so cheated of their memory and hers used to be pristine.
My dad still loves her dearly and looks forward to his visits with her. He is a wonderful example of kindness, loyalty and love. What a heritage.
9 comments:
So sad. It kind of worries me about my own future. I don't want to go that way...
I love LovE LOVE your dad, Janet! I loved both of my grandpas (of course), but I also enjoy thinking of him as my "other" grandpa. :)
I was sorry to hear from Emalei about both of their decreased mental and physical health, as I remember all too well my own G&G Bagley going through the same thing. (It really takes the book/movie "the Notebook" to a whole 'nother level with personal references like this...)
Lots of love to you (fiberoptic hug)!
What a sweet tribute, mom. It's hard to see those you love change into someone you don't recognize (or that don't recognize you). If you live long enough, life really does take a full circle, doesn't it?
awwww, i LOVE uncle dale and aunt lois. it breaks my heart to think about a. lois's current conditions and the fact that u. dale can't be with her everyday. i can't imagine how difficult that would be.
Janet, I really love this post. I ask Dale every chance I get about L&D. I'm not sure we ever told you, but maybe we did, we seriously considered giving our son the middle name of Dale. We both truly love and respect him.
I like your blouse too and I don't see any baby bumps, but you know how little children are....any minor bumps and there must be a baby in there! :) and that is pretty much how Lois is functioning right now.
Lois and Dale loved and accepted me when I was brand new to the family and for that I'll always love them.
This post reminded me of my grandma and how tender my husband was with her. He treated her so well and was such a sweetheart to her.
Another wonderful legacy, having a husband who honors his in-laws. That is truly a blessing.
Great pictures, great post. Big hugs to all!!
Thank you for posting this Janet. Sometimes the more personal and intimate things we share, touch people in a way we least expected. I'm glad I took a minute to read.
I love Grandma and Grandpa. I respect him so much and miss her so much!!
Janet that picture with your dad reaching over to your mom warmed my heart. And Bill lotioning up her hands. These are the little tender gestures that over a lifetime add up to some pretty sweet experiences with family. Thanks for writing this Janet. And while having a baby at our age wouldn't be exactly up there on my top ten things to do, it certainly looks more interesting than what faces us as we age!
That is sooo sweet that your dad is still so committed! It makes me want to live so that Ryan will want to be with me after all those years :)
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